Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
