My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
