Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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