Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
