a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
