giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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