Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
