Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
