I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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