i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
