When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
