its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
