I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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