I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
