My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Randomize
