i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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