I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
