Apparently you make a good broom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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