just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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