can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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