just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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