cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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