The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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