Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
