hell yes lets make some ravioli
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
