lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
