you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
