I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
