she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
