you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
