Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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