I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
