Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
