The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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