just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
