Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize