The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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