my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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