is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
