If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and she was petting her beer can
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
