billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
