I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
