i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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