hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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