Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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