South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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