I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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