He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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