I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Barsexuality is the new black.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did i walk over a car last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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