Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
