Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
