rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
