god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yo dont text me then not text me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
