I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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