That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
