Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
worst night to have a conscience
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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