I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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