I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
