so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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