So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
