Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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