I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
