dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
