I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We are all done wearing pants today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
