It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
