i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
