brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
