All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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