Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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