And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
