Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize