These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
