He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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