walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
